Limit Whining and Teach Better Communication.

“I dooooon’t waaaaaaaaaant toooooooooo!”

It’s irritating, it’s frustrating and it gets on your nerves.

Though it’s obnoxious, whining is actually a way your child gets your attention. And, like other habits, you can nip it in the bud early with a few simple strategies. You can teach your child there are other appropriate, effective forms of communicating with you. Good communication is one of the foundations of good child safety.

One way is to limit the situations that trigger it. Avoid extra errands when the kids are hungry. Limit or eliminate involvement in a frustrating game or project prior to bedtime. Pay attention when your child is talking to you. Whining is a reaction when a child feels you aren’t giving them your full attention. Counter whining with praise for their choosing talking in a normal and understandable voice that allows you to fully understand what they are saying to you.

When the whining begins, stay calm. Keep your response simple, calm and neutral. Ask your child to repeat the request in a normal tone. Staying calm, yet firm and in charge will more often stop the whining before it escalates. Make sure there are limits set for whining.

Once a limit has been set, follow through. It’s imperative that both parents are on board with this approach and any limits set. Both must fully follow through when the whining rule has been violated.

If you have an older child that’s developing a whining habit, suggest they come up with a solution to their perceived boredom or other voiced problem on their own. If you suggest possible alternatives, it might just prolong the child’s whining.

Also, be aware, sometimes whining can be the result of trauma and trouble in their life. A divorce, serious family illness or problems at school may be at the root. Additional positive attention and quality one-on-one time may be just the medicine your child needs at a time like this. Your pediatrician can also suggest alternatives to curb whining should the positive attention and disciplinary actions be ineffective.

When the whining is curbed and replaced with clearer verbal communication between you and your child you are setting the stage for better safety for them for their lifetime. They need to be able to effectively tell responsible adults, such as you, teachers or police, what is or has occurred that happens to them. By learning to stay calm and talk clearly instead of whining is a huge step in that direction.

In the A, B, C’s of child safety, “B” is for behavior.

Behavior. If there ever is a bad “B word” when it comes to raising kids, it could just be “Behavior.” Thinking about controlling the behavior of even the youngest child can be a daunting task for a parent. It becomes much easier if you think about controlling behavior in terms of teaching your child the appropriate response to life’s situations.

It’s the same in child safety.

With even the youngest of children, you can teach them the appropriate responses to threatening situations. They can learn to behave in certain ways that keep themselves safer whenever something occurs that requires a response.

Small and very young children are not going to find themselves alone very much, if at all. Parents are around and protecting them most of the time, all hours of the day. Teaching your child the right response, the right things to do can and should happen before they actually need to use those skills.

What would those behaviors be?

One, learning to listen to their gut instincts, their Belly Brain is huge. The natural instincts to protecting oneself in all threatening situations is critical in anyone’s safety, including very young children.

Learning to rely on Mom and Dad from the youngest of ages is a natural thing. It is the nature of this relationship that can keep your child safer or less safe depending on how you handle it and present this relationship of “reliability.”

Being a calm adult with very good listening skills is the basis of this reliable relationship. Being a parent in a safe-child relationship means that you are the rock-solid “go-to” person. It means that whatever and whenever your child needs to talk to you about what is in their gut, what they feel you will need to quietly and calmly listen to it.

The next thing your child needs to learn is to keep a healthy distance from strangers. To do that, they need to first know who a stranger is. A stranger is simply someone you don’t know very well. Teaching a young child the differences in strangers is too complicated. Forget good or bad strangers, just keep it simple.

Knowing someone well means that they know your family, have meals with you, know details about your dog, car and home. They might also have a very good relationship with every member of your family.

Keeping a safe distance from strangers is a third behavior your child can learn in order to keep themselves safe. A distance of a bout 15 feet is recommended for small children. This is for people on the sidewalk, in the park or anywhere you child may be playing where they are not holding our hand.

Safety, especially for younger kids, comes in learning the best behaviors for the appropriate situations.

Attitude is the first key in the A, B, C’s of safety. A child must learn to be confident in themselves and project that confidence. If a child is confident in themselves, that they are loved, that they have a secure and strong family and that they belong in this world, it will show. They stand up taller, they keep their head up and shoulders back. Confidence exudes subconsciously from such a child.

When a child is confident they even exude a confidence “air” about themselves. This is that all important Attitude that quietly tells people “I’m not to be messed with” and “I’m not an easy target.” This attitude, by itself, can and will deter a number of threats to your child. Bullies seek weak and sick children to harass. Predators troll for victims that are easy targets. Criminals want no fight from their victims.

Attitude also means that your child, when taught a few safety techniques, will have the confidence in themselves whenever they need to use them. This is a critical part in child safety. If your child’s Belly Brain goes off, they have to have enough confidence in themselves and in their ability to know it is “talking” to them, to take action. A confident child will leave a situation that is not right when the Belly Brain goes off and go find a trusted adult for help. Kids that are not confident in themselves will always question whether their Belly Brain is even going off and if they should go bother someone with their problem.

Confidence is all about attitude and attitude is all about confidence.

Everything you, as a parent, teach your young child can be simple. Even complex ideas on parenting and parenting skills can come right down to simplified, easy things to do in teaching your child whatever it is you want them to learn.  Safety, is no different.

We teach safety to young kids as easy as they learn their A, B, C’s and so, we call it the “A, B, C’s of child safety.”  It is that simple.  If the goal is to teach kids, even the youngest of kids to keep themselves safe, they have to learn the best ways to avoid being a victim. 

It starts with the youngest of ages, preschoolers and toddlers and they can learn their A, B, C’s of safety to do this: Attitude, Behavior and Control. We believe kids with the right Attitude and correct Behavior, can Control their environment. These ABC’s empower, and can even allow a child to survive being a victim of something as everyday as bullies at school to sexual predators stalking our neighborhoods and websites.

Attitude is the first key in the A, B, C’s of safety.  A child must learn to be confident in themselves and project that confidence.  If a child is confident in themselves, that they are loved, that they have a secure and strong family and that they belong in this world, it will show.  They stand up taller, they keep their head up and shoulders back. Confidence exudes subconsciously from such a child.

When a child is confident they even exude a confidence “air” about themselves.  This is that all important Attitude that quietly tells people “I’m not to be messed with” and “I’m not an easy target.”  This attitude, by itself, can and will deter a number of threats to your child.  Bullies seek weak and sick children to harass.  Predators troll for victims that are easy targets.  Criminals want no fight from their victims.

Attitude also means that your child, when taught a few safety techniques, will have the confidence in themselves whenever they need to use them.  This is a critical part in child safety.  If your child’s Belly Brain goes off, they have to have enough confidence in themselves and in their ability to know it is “talking” to them, to take action.  A confident child will leave a situation that is not right when the Belly Brain goes off and go find a trusted adult for help.  Kids that are not confident in themselves will always question whether their Belly Brain is even going off and if they should go bother someone with their problem.

Confidence is all about attitude and attitude is all about confidence.

Parents like a night out.  Mom enjoys the Spa with friends. Dad may play cards.  Together they may head to dinner and a movie. Any of these activities may require you to hire a babysitter.  Here are some safety tips for you when hiring a babysitter.  They will give you and your babysitter  an extra measure of safety and confidence.

First, choose your babysitter carefully. Babysitting is, in fact, another form of child care. Therefore, choosing a babysitter is just as important as choosing any other type of child care. Carefully and thoughtfully consider anyone as being competent to care for your child while you’re away, even for just a few hours.

Two, make sure your babysitter is at least sixteen years of age. Many younger age teens are competent and responsible.  Even if you know a great fifteen year old, it is recommend that your babysitter still 16 years of age.  At least in the USA, if anything should go wrong and you are found to have left your child with someone unsuitable which includes someone underage, you could be charged with neglect.  Better safe than sorry.

Third, take the time to let your babysitter know your child care expectations before you leave your home. If there are restrictions as to where the sitter takes the child or what activities to do with them, make it all clear. If the phone and any visitors are off limits, be up front and open with the sitter about those off limit restrictions.

Fourth, leave your sitter a handy sheet with the following information on it typed out neatly:

-Write down where you will be and include the address and phone number.

-Write down other important phone numbers such as

-Your own phone number and address

-Your family doctor’s name and phone number

-Poison Control Center phone number

-Trusted Neighbor’s name and phone number

-Friend’s name and phone number

Make sure you also have written down important information about your child, such as

-Age

-Current medications

-Allergies

Let the sitter know of any special problems your child may have, such as an allergy to bee stings, certain foods or household products. Make sure they know the need for medication and at what specific time it is to be given.  Make sure the directions are clearly explained and written down.

Show the sitter the location of your first aid kit  the location of fire extinguisher and also write these down, too. 

Write down basic instructions for a fire:

-Stay calm

-Locate the children

-Stay low to the floor

-Touch closed doors with the back of your hand

-DO NOT open the door if it is hot.

-Quickly and safely exit the house at the nearest exit

Additionally, Show the babysitter where emergency exits, smoke detectors, and

fire extinguishers are located. Demonstrate how to enable and disable security systems and alarms.

Show the sitter where you keep interior door keys in case your child locks themself inside a room.

Leaving your child, even for a brief time with a sitter so you can enjoy a night out can be an even more enjoyable event when you know your babysitter is not only competent but well prepared for any emergency with your child.

Your child has two brains. Yes, as a parent you may feel they may not even have one. However, we do think, despite the scientific evidence, that kids, all of us for that matter, have two brains.

There is one in their head and one in their belly. We call the one in the belly the Belly Brain. It’s the one brain in their belly, the Belly Brain, that in safety, is the more important of the two.

Why should you care about a Belly Brain? Simple. It is the one thing you and your child can count on in their ability to keep themselves safe.  At some point in their life, your child is going out somewhere with out you. School. The end of the yard. The Park. Soccer practice. The Mall as a teenager.

At some point in their life your child will be out without you and will need to be able to take care of themselves against any danger. In safety, we think kids can learn to sense danger as it is developing and get away from it. Sometimes they’ll even be able to see it and avoid it. It’s called prevention.

It can be any type of childhood threat such as bullies at school, a car slowing as it goes up and down the street, being near a neighbor or close family friend or being in a room one on one with another adult.

When something inappropriate or threatening develops we want your child’s natural instincts, which we simply bring awareness to and build upon, to go off. We want them to find a trusted adult, parent or family member and get help. We want them to act confidently, assuredly and quickly.

Thus, the Belly Brain. You need it because your child needs it. It is the first line of defense, prevention, in their ability to keep themselves safe. Frankly, it’s the name that is unique: Belly Brain.

You’ve got two, we have two, your child has two. Yes, there is the tangible anatomical brain in our head. That’s one. Then there is the brain in our stomach. It’s what we call our natural instincts, intuition, our visceral feeling, that gut reaction about people, places and things.

Our society and culture, as we grow, does it’s best to negate this instinct and get us to “think” instead of following natural instincts. We quietly and very efficiently learn to ignore our intuition.

Why do you think there is such a proliferation of self help groups and “back to nature” and rediscovering our true self programs for adults? They all have one thing in common: getting back to listening to what is truly inside ourselves.

Kids have this intuition. They just need to learn to pay attention to it. When children are young and are taught to listen to that little voice inside that is always there to protect them, they can use it effectively in keeping themselves safe.

 Confident kids are safer kids.  It’s common sense and no special safety secret. Kids who are confident are naturally less of a target for predators and criminals, even the bullies at school.

Confidence belies and underlying, subconscious message that says, “I’m not easy.  I’m not going down.”  Confidence takes care of thwarting the majority of potential threats from other people your child can face.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of kids today that are not confident.  They shrink from contact with adults.  They bow their heads and look at their feet when they talk with others.  They feel just a little less important than other kids and they fail to make eye contact with even the smallest of other children.

If your young child is not very confident, then teach then to pretend they are confident.  Yes, this is a very sensitive issue with most parents. No one wants to admit their child lacks self-esteem.  In doing so one admits they have not built it into their child from birth.  Who wants that kind of responsibility or admittance of failure?

However, you need to make a difficult assessment. Again, if your child is not confident, then teach them to pretend they are.  Teach it as a game. Call it the “Feel Good Feel Bad” game.

Ask them if they want to play a game.  Get excited, get their attention. Play it with them. Have your child walk around the room and at the command of “Feel Bad” have them hang their heads, shuffle around and moan. Actually ask them to go back to a time when they might have been sick or sad, and remember what that feels like in their bodies. In doing so, we can actually begin to see some of the children sagging in their posture.

After a few minutes of this ask them to remember a time when they were really, really happy and excited. Perhaps it was their birthday. Perhaps it was Christmas Day, opening presents. Whatever it is, we take them there in their minds for a brief few moments and have them bounce around feeling happy. You can see them physically straightening up as they envision their happy, exciting moments.

Through a series of “Feel Bad!” and “Feel Good!” commands you expose them to the way these two states feel and the bodily sensations that each of them create. You want them to be able to differentiate between physically feeling good and feeling bad.

More importantly, when you see they understand the difference, you can then teach them to pretend they can “Feel Good” even when they don’t. What you are really doing is getting them to turn feeling good on whenever they want to do it.

This means they can at least project confidence even though they may not feel that way for any number of reasons. You can now get them to “Feel Good” and appear so (meaning appearing more confident) especially when they are outside or alone.

If you can get your child to appear confident even when they don’t feel that way they become less of a target for predators. Kids can learn to fake out predators with these simple games. They give a child an extra edge of safety whenever they may find themselves alone without Mom or Dad.

It is also possible that if your child can begin to feel good when they need to or want to, they tend to like how it feels. They slowly begin to gravitate more and more to those good feelings we show them. It means they can really take hold if parents reinforce these ideas at home.

Today’s world is a dangerous place. Today’s dangerous world is very different than anything seen before. It’s dangerous for adults. It is very dangerous for our precious children. This sad truth is a reality however, one that you must accept and deal with in order to keep your child safe from sexual predators.

Many parents today just don’t know how to keep their kids safe in a modern world. There is nothing wrong with that. They grew up themselves with their parents warning of “Don’t talk to strangers!” when they were a child heading out the door to play. It was truly useless information to the child back then as it is today, but somehow made the parents feel their children were safe.

Many parents, although they are adults now, still think like this, today, however, this kind of thinking can not only keep your child unsafe, it may put them at risk as a target for sexual predators. This kind of thinking can really endanger your child.

“This guy has to be a bad stranger,” or “Stay away from weirdoes!” seems like it has to help. The sad news, however, is it is useless. The fact is, many parents today have no idea how to keep themselves safe let alone teach their children safety from sexual predators.

Telling your child not to talk to strangers or telling your child any neighbor can be trusted is a recipe for danger. If you go around like this you are playing with odds that you child will not be the one ever approached by a sexual predator. That is roulette with your child’s life. So, we’ll help you change your ideas about child safety. We’ll help you teach your child to be safer in today’s world with a little education and knowledge.

Let’s continue with understanding the problem of sexual predators today. Let’s understand just how big the problem really is. The FBI states on their February 2007 website statistics:

-1 of 5 girls will be sexually molested before her 18th birthday.
-1 of 6 boys will be sexually molested before his 18th birthday.
-1 of 5 children has been propositioned for sex over the Internet.
-2 of 3 sexual abuses are perpetrated against teenagers or younger children.
-90% of sexual assaults are committed against someone the perpetrator knows.
-The median age for male molestation victims under 18 is 9.8 years old.
-The median age for female molestation victims under 18 is 9.6 years old.
-There are 400,000 new victims of sexual assault every year.
-There are over 550,000 registered sex offenders in the US.
-There are over 100,000 sex offenders that fail to register in the US.
-76% of serial rapists claim they were molested as children.
-Over 40% of male juvenile delinquents were molested as children.

These statistics are unacceptable. Some studies show in the last three years an increase in sexual abuse statistics, as well.

The problem with statistics is that is neutralizes the affects of abuse on the people that are touched by it. Statistics make the victims depersonalized and faceless. The victims, the children, are the ones that really suffer and abuse will affect them for a lifetime. Abuse affects all that it touches, too, including family and friends. Some victims struggle their entire life to overcome the horror of abuse.

Statistics are fine to make our point. But the real point is the poignant stories of the victims. Even in our field, we are constantly struck by the number of individuals who come up to us and tell us their stories of their lives and the negative effects foisted upon them by sexual predators.

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As a parent, your child’s safety from sexual predators depends on you. Your know that, especially when they are young, you are always there to protect them.

As your child grows, they need to learn various safety techniques so they can begin to keep themselves safe. Even the youngest of children need to begin to learn these skills, kids as young as four years old.

You can put your child into safety classes or have them watch a video about safety techniques.  The most important thing, however, the crucial piece, in making it work, are you, the parents, taking the responsibility for insuring it is all put into place.

You must own the responsibility for keeping your child safe. Its not enough anymore to yell as they walk out the door, “Don’t talk to strangers!” You must make sure they learn how to keep themselves safe from all kinds of potentially dangerous situations when you are not around.

Whne you’re out with your youngest children you hold their hands, talk to them and make sure your family group stays together as you scour the mall, trot through the zoo or head to your table at the restaurant.

What happens when your child is playing in the yard when you’re inside, at school when you’re at home, walking the dog down the street or walking home from the store, is what really matters. Your child must have the ability to keep

themselves safe in today’s world prowled by sexual predators, when you are not around. And, Mom and Dad, it is your responsibility to make sure they have this “keep themselves safe” ability.

It means you must stand up and grab hold of an incredible power waiting for you to command and control. It is called the “Power To Keep Your Child Safe.” Sometimes we call it mentoring.

Mentoring your child goes beyond parenting. It gets into making a positive difference by influencing your child to be the best they can be as a person. Mentoring means you maximize your commitment. It means doing what needs to be done. It means when you’re tired, sick or fed up you still take the time and patience to insure your child is safe for their entire lifetime. Being responsible means teaching your child to be safe in a constant and consistent series of small steps everyday.

Is it easy to do? That depends on you. What is your commitment to your child? What is your commitment to your child’s safety? If you answered resoundingly, “100%!” then it will be easy for you.

Your child’s safety for an entire lifetime can be simple and easy with a few tips to added to the mentoring skills you already possess. If you have not gone beyond basic parenting then we’ll help you make the jump into true mentoring. It is one thing to understand responsibility. It is another to own it. Owning it is harnessing its power. Simply put, you own your child’s safety. You make it work. Show and guide your child every step of the way in what to do and how to do it. Own the responsibility in making sure they understand it and learn it. Help them learn for a lifetime how to keep themselves safe from sexual predators when you are not around.

We’ve highlighted confidence, empowerment, positive praise (what we call ‘catch them being good’) and listening skills as four important elements in teaching your child to keep themselves safe.

“Repetition” is the fifth and final secret to teaching kids to keep themselves safe. This last Secret is probably the most important of all. We can teach your kids in the classroom. We can put all of our information into a book for you to read. However, it is all useless unless you use it and apply it, day in and day out at home.

Especially in younger children, where there is no mental capacity to create and build on memories, repetition is a crucial learning tool. True learning for your child, no matter what their age, however, comes with repetition. That is your

job. You need to do it at home.

Repetition does not need to be boring, either. Make games out of things you want to teach. Use fun words and phrases your child uses when talking about safety. Fold in your child’s favorite toys, cartoon characters or things they like into activities you do several times a week. These are simple yet exciting skills for

reinforcement activities. It’s repetition with excitement. What a great way to learn for any child!

Working with our techniques is also something to do a few times a week. Stay away from daily practice routines as if this was a sport as this is the surest way to bore your child and lose their attention. Make learning safety fun. Make it exciting. Fold in the whole family and enjoy learning about true safety for a lifetime together.

To review:

1. Build confidence.

Confidence and a positive self image are crucial in good child safety. Confident kids are less of a target for sexual predators. Not only do they stand taller and keep their heads up higher, they represent a problem, a less than easy victim for sexual predators.

Confident kids project “struggle” for any predator trolling for kids and more often than not, predators will pass them by. More often, predators will choose kids that appear weak and sad, a child in need of a friend. These are the kids that hang their heads, shuffle down the street and have a hard time looking anyone in the eye when they talk to them.

2. Empowerment

Empowering your child to take care of themselves is one of the most powerful Safety Secret we can offer you.

Empowerment means you teach them to make choices, good choices, for themselves. When you mentor them as a parent you actually guide them into learning to make good, positive choices for themselves on their own. When they can do this, they will truly be safe for a lifetime.

3. Catch Them Being Good

Building confidence, building a solid self image in your child, builds safety. Capitalize on this and highlight the good things they do more often than the bad things. As a matter of fact, focus on highlighting as many good things as you can rather than making a big deal about the bad things they may do.

4. Listen

Listening to your child goes beyond the standard, “Yep. Un huh. Sure.” These kinds of responses they get daily. True listening, the kind that allows your child to feel like they are really being heard and understood, is a special parenting skill.

5. Repetition

Especially in younger children, where there is no mental capacity to create and build on memories, repetition is a crucial learning tool. True learning for your child, no matter what their age, however, comes with repetition. That is your job. You need to do it at home.

Any one of these safety secrets will allows your child a higher measure of safety. Together, they are very powerful and can help teach your child to be safe for their entire lifetime.